Up until a few years ago, insecurity dominated my life. It was masked by anger, annoyance, and indifference, and to be honest, it felt awful. I was, to put it delicately, fiery. Or in layman's terms: I was a bitch. And not in the way that Tina Fey referred to, but in that ew-get-me-away-from-her kind of way.
And I know that because I wanted to get away from me, too. I was uncomfortable in my own skin. I never felt smart enough or pretty enough or funny enough. I compared myself to others, rather than comparing myself to myself (here's a related post), which I now feel is a much more productive way for personal growth.
It’s really tough not to like yourself. It’s a sad place to be. A lonely place to be. An empty place. And finally, I got sick of it. It was right around the New Year, and I decided enough was enough, and I was going to make it a resolution to change my mindset and approach with the following:
I was going to be nicer. I resolved, when meeting new people, to be kind. Not just nice, but genuinely kind.
I was going to allow myself to be vulnerable. Instead of hiding behind my insecurities and putting up walls, I would just speak my truth.
I would stop comparing myself to others, and set goals for myself, and work on them, noting my progress by comparing myself to myself, continually trying to be better than I was the day before, in all aspects of my life.
The process of change isn’t easy. This new approach was made after months of getting sick of how I was living, but it took just as long to really become habit. I made the decision, sat down, wrote it out, and then tried it out. And I had to battle against my immediate knee jerk reactions and constantly remind myself that this new approach would help me to feel better in my skin, and would help people feel better in their skin as well. I told myself that when you are kind and share your truth, others feel more comfortable and everyone can put their guards down. So it took a while, but now the kindness is my knee-jerk reaction, for the most part. I no longer compare myself to others, and instead, choose to focus on the past me vs the present me vs the future me that I’m trying to create. It feels really good, and this shift in approach has drastically improved the quality of my life and my relationships with myself and others.
I’ve always been a big fan of New Year’s resolutions, but I wanted to post this now, in March, because we don’t have to wait til January to make a change. If there’s something going on in your life that is a constant struggle for you, and you see an opportunity for change and growth, just remember that every morning we get to wake up to a clean slate, an open opportunity, an open invitation to start anew on the masterpiece of your life.