If you would’ve told me a month ago that all non-essential workers would be asked to work from home, that most businesses, including my own, would be mandated to stay closed through April, that I would have had to cancel one teacher training and push back another, that revenue would go from a flow to a mere trickle, and that I would’ve had to lay off the employee who has been with me the longest, all because of a virus, I would’ve said that was a terrible joke. Yet here we are. Wait, let me rewrite that. Here we are. Emphasis on the we. We meaning not just me. I know this situation isn’t unique to me in any way. In fact, I know I have it pretty good, all things considered.
I have my health, and that, I learned long ago, is our greatest wealth.
Coronavirus has changed literally every aspect of our lives, and it’s brought me to tears, it’s made me laugh, and I’ve experienced every emotion in between in the last few days. Our quarantine time in Connecticut started around March 17th, and while it’s only been a few weeks, it feels like an eternity.
On Instagram, I mostly stay lighthearted. I don’t want to bring anyone down, and I don’t want to have a public pity party for one (especially when I know that others are also struggling, and many are in tougher situations). I want to ultimately help people, so I stick with what I know how to do:
share workouts, with the goal to help people stay moving while at home
share yoga practices, with the goal to help people reconnect to and center themselves
share silly things like my dog Buckles, or my ridiculous dancing
But it’s a very real, very challenging time for everyone, and I’ve been reflecting on that for the last few days. For a long time, I felt wired to gravitate toward the doom and gloom, but one of the biggest lessons I learned in my late twenties was how to rewire myself to gravitate towards the good, and luckily, I’m still mostly in that space, although I will admit to a few breakdowns in the last few weeks. In the interest of being transparent with what’s going on with me, I thought I’d share my personal pros and cons since quarantine began.
Cons of Coronavirus and Quarantine Time
Obviously, loss of revenue. The way YBC® is set up, we have a number of different revenue streams. While many of them are online recurring streams from general use of platforms like YouTube, the bigger streams are from things like sponsored posts, workshops, teacher trainings, and retreats - all of which are at a complete standstill.
Having to close the doors of my studio through April - I had a handful of personal training and one to one yoga clients I was working with, so all of that was put on pause until after April, and I miss not only my clients but our studio members that come to class. I started YogaByCandace® in 2012. I was really craving human interaction last year, and that’s one of the biggest reasons I opened the studio. While I love the freedom that comes with an online business, I was ready to open a brick and mortar space because I just wanted to be around more people!
Heightened anxiety: I’ve dealt with anxiety my whole life. It was worse in my twenties, and got a lot better in my late twenties into my early thirties, and all but disappeared in the last few years. But it’s been triggered, particularly when at the grocery store. Shelf stable products are nearly always sold out, leaving the store feeling somewhat empty. The look on people’s faces, if they’re not half covered by masks, also shakes me. For the most part, they look empty, nervous, panicked. The uncertainty about everything - from the inevitable economic repercussion, to when we might be able to safely resume our lives to if someone I know (or myself) might get the virus - it all just adds to the heightened level of anxiety.
Heightened Stress: A general heightened level of stress has caused mood instability, some trouble sleeping, inconsistent eating, and I feel like a gross version of myself. I’m binge watching garbage tv way too late at night, I can’t sleep well afterwards, sleep in too late in the morning, so my type-A must-get-things-done personality feels like the day got away from me and I have a general feeling of urgency, like there isn’t enough time in my day, and I wind up feeling rushed and stressed getting #allthethings done.
Heightened Sense of Helplessness: The news brings so much sadness and fear. I feel torn some days between wanting to be informed but not wanting to have that pit in my stomach of helplessness. It feels surreal to see the number of people who have passed away, and each day closer to the projected peak feels so scary. I have cousins who work in hospitals on the front line, and I am so worried about their safety and the safety of everyone working in hospitals around the world and in essential businesses, literally risking their lives for others. It makes me feel stupid that there I am on Instagram sharing a dumb at-home workout or yoga practice, even though I know, logically, that I’m not stupid, that the workouts and practices aren’t dumb, and that for some people, they find them really helpful.
Fear Surrounding Finances: I’m not sure what this is going to do to me personally in terms of how it will affect my finances, but I’m nervous about my retirement, how I’m going to pay the bills, and how we might financially get through this. I know we will get through this, somehow, someway. It’s not the end (right?!), but there’s just a lot of fear, which I have to be careful with because in the past I’ve let it consume me, and I don’t want to get to that point.
Pros of Coronavirus and Quarantine Time
Spending more time with my boyfriend: This is one huge plus. We get along really well, even when in constant close quarters, and for that I am really thankful. We’re also really good at balancing each other out. When I am stressed out, he helps me, and when he’s getting anxious, I help him.
Spending less money: Since I’m not driving as much, I’m not spending as much on gas. I’m also being super careful with my spending because I don’t know how this will play out in terms of our finances and because I don’t want to contribute to delivery people having to deliver non-essential stuff to me, so I haven’t really done any online shopping or anything.
Being forced to learn new things: I avoided Zoom for literal years until Coronavirus gave me the choice to either learn it or lose out on an opportunity to bring in a little revenue. I’m so thankful for that, because it’s really helped me to feel connected to my people. The other day, I had people joining a live class from Hong Kong, Spain, Ireland and all over the US! That felt so awesome that we could be so connected while physically apart.
Connecting with friends in new ways: I don’t have a ton of friends, but I have a handful of really good ones. Being the type-A person that I am, I tell myself I don’t really like phone calls and prefer texts because it’s easier to multitask that way, but with the pace of life slowing down, I’m finding that I really like FaceTime, Zoom chats, and regular old phone calls with friends and family. Yesterday I had coffee “with” my friend Kat in the UK via Zoom and it was just what my soul needed.
Slowing down: As I mentioned, that go-go-go attitude gets the best of me, and if I don’t plan my day well, get really great sleep, and have literal plan for every hour of the day, I feel frustrated and like I let myself down. But with the pace of life slower because of quarantine, I find myself enjoying not having much to do. I mean, not always. Definitely not a lot. But the other night, at like 11:30pm, on my third episode of Jamestown, I looked at my boyfriend and said, “I really like this moment.” And it was true. As much as I hate staying up late, sleeping in, and feeling like I’m not being productive, I think my body and mind needed to slow TF down and just enjoy the moment.
A heightened sense of community: I’ve had so many people reach out asking how they can support my small business, and that has meant so much to me. Our community has been doing so much to support other small businesses in the area, and I feel like that’s the collective attitude of at least this area (and I know in talking with other yoga teachers, they’ve said they felt similarly). It feels like people truly care about small business and want to support them. Money is tight for me right now, so while I do try to order take out when I can, another thing I’ve been doing is leaving reviews for small businesses I really love. I know a review goes a long way.
So there we have it. It’s not the most uplifting post, but it’s real. This is a tough time for all of us. I want you to know that if you’re struggling, you’re not alone. Please feel free to reach out here in the comments section or on Instagram. Together, we will get through this.