I type a few words, take a sip of tea. Type some more words, take a breath. Absently pick lint off my socks. Delete the last sentence, try again. I have written and erased this post so many times because the words aren't coming out right. I have accepted that I just can't seem to write cohesively today because I feel seven different emotions at once in the aftermath of Friday's tragedy. I can't seem to wrap my head around any of it because it was so senseless. My heart aches and my stomach hurts. And I know I'm not the only one, as I see facebook posts pop up at 4:30am in the states reading variations of: "Can't sleep. This is unbelievable. Just unbelievable."
What can we do? Can we do anything? Can we have meaningful conversation? Can we toss ideas around without getting defensive or being attacked? Can we put politics aside? Can we listen to each other and try to come together to find a solution?
I cannot even begin to imagine the sheer terror and helplessness that was felt at Sandy Hook elementary school on Friday. I cannot grasp the ongoing fear and sadness the parents and loved ones of the deceased, the other students and the staff will continue to feel. There is so much pain.
Columbine, Aurora, VA Tech, Sandy Hook. It's too much. It's just too much. How many more people will have to die before we try something new? Whatever your ideas are- be they better access to mental health care, or stricter gun laws, or whatever- please write to your legislators. (Find yours here.) Please. Something has to change.
Sending love from Germany to all the families affected by this tragedy, to everyone back home feeling saddened and sickened, and to all the expats out there whose physical bodies are away from home but whose hearts, like mine, are in Connecticut. May we heal from this, may we grow, and may we never forget about the sweet souls that have been taken too soon.