I am so grateful to be able to work from anywhere in the world. In just a few years of writing a blog and creating videos for my yoga youtube channel, I've been able to connect with some amazing people, and it's turned into opportunities for yoga retreats and workshops worldwide and a chance to work with high quality brands I love like Hugger Mugger and Gaiam.
As the reach of YogaByCandace grows, I find our little community growing as well(loved that post on Facebook where we all wrote in the country we were in). But with the good also comes the bad.
Serious question: What is up with mean people on the internet?
The other day I received my first mean youtube comment. It read: {This} would probably be a decent video if you didn't purposely try to sound like a sex phone operator.
I guess it's not really that mean, and maybe right now is the point where I'm supposed to say I took three meditative deep breaths and chanted the sacred sound of OM along with a soundtrack of Tibetan monks, but I'm just human. In hindsight, the comment is sort of funny because it speaks to the eye-roll inducing "yoga voice" we all know, but I'm not going to lie and pretend I laughed it off. It hurt.
Immediately, upon reading it, my defense went up.
I don't call many sex phone operators. Is that how they sound? I frantically typed back, then erased.
Turn the volume off, you can just follow along, unless the sight of me offends you, too, you BEEPING BEEP, I wrote, before erasing that, too.
Sorry your FREE yoga video wasn't BEEPING good enough for you, I fumed, before erasing that and shutting down my computer.
Is that person right? I thought. Do I sound terrible? Do I come across like that? Is my work a total joke? Am I being overly sensitive? Can I not laugh at myself? Should I even discuss this on my blog? Will that invite more negative comments?
Here's the truth about that specific video. It was made for one of my oldest friends who is on her second tour in Afghanistan with the US Army. She has had such a rough time and wanted something to help alleviate stress and help her flexibility. I had put so much thought and effort into the sequencing and the verbal cues, paying careful attention to work around her pre-existing issues. A sex phone operator?! No, just me working hard, trying to help out a friend, and posting it online in case it might be useful to others.
A confession: In the words of Erykah Badu (and Tech N9ne, in this awesome song heard at 2:10) - I'm an artist, and I'm sensitive about my shit.
That artist bit might be debatable, but I am most certainly sensitive about my work. Maybe I shouldn't be. But when you do what you love, when you fall asleep at night thinking about sequences and the shapes the body makes with asana and how you can incorporate them into specific workshops... When the wheels are constantly turning about how to improve your personal practice and teaching, the way you cue things in class, how you can create better yoga images that will be helpful or yoga time lapse videos that might inspire... When it's something you're so passionate about and love so much and put so much time and effort into and one person shoots it down from behind a computer screen, well I'm not going to lie, it hurts.
But here's the truth that I've realized in a few days of thinking about all of this. A few truths, actually.
First, this likely will not be the last negative comment I receive, so I'd better learn the second truth, which is that none of this has to do with me.
Constructive feedback is one thing and very much welcome (I've had a few requests to speak louder in class or go slower - definitely things I know I need to work on), but any kind of negativity is a reflection of someone else's experience and has little to do with me. I mean, when I see something online that I think is awful, I don't take the time to let the person know I hated it. I just move on and find a better version of what I'm looking for. In my opinion, it's a waste of my time to spew out more negativity. The world doesn't need that shit.
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Third, for every negative comment I receive, I get a ton of positive comments, and I need to focus on the positive- figure out what people enjoy, and what they find most useful so I can create of that. And I need to remember that just as it's no good to be shot down by negativity, there's also no need to get a big head from all the compliments - that's all the ego stuff. Rather, I need to set the ego aside and remember that what's most important is remaining clear in my intentions: to help people through offering tips and videos about yoga.
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So thank you, person who wrote my first mean youtube comment. Thank you for making me think about what really matters, and for the first lesson in developing thicker skin.