Yogic Philosophy: On Anxiety and Depression

*I am not a doctor. This blog is not intended as a substitute for medical care.  Depression and anxiety can be pretty debilitating and isolating. Should you need it, here is the national suicide prevention hotline. 

The first time I had a panic attack I was lying in bed in a deafeningly silent room across from a bunk bed containing three perfect strangers- two roommates and one roommate's boyfriend (yay, college!). An intense heat ran up my body like a wave crashing over me and in an instant I threw the covers aside and grabbed my car keys as my throat began to tighten. Unable to breathe properly and certain I was going to die, I began to cry, racing outside to my car. Hands shaking and gasping for air, I started the car and drove myself to the infirmary. 

It was around midnight, and I had to buzz the nurse from outside and explain my problem. Humiliated by the absurdity of the situation, I told her through breathy sobs that I was definitely having a heart attack. 

She opened the door with an eyebrow raised, and took one look at me and then smiled. She put her arm around me and said, "Breathe slowly. You are having an anxiety attack." She gave me a paper bag, which I scoffed at and she eased me into a comfortable chair while I breathed into the bag and managed to stop hyperventilating. 

When I caught my breath and calmed down, another wave rolled over me. Immense sadness and frustration. I couldn't believe that an anxiety attack had that much power over me. Over the course of the next few months I fell into a deep depression laced with sudden bouts of anxiety.

This is probably the point where I should say something like: then I found yoga and my whole life changed.

I wish I could, but it's not the case. I had discovered yoga years before, and was still practicing at the time of my first panic attack, but while it was a great stress reliever, yoga hadn't prevented the anxiety so I didn't turn to it as a cure. Instead, I found a fantastic psychologist and popped the prescribed anti-anxiety pills and antidepressants. They were a good bandaid when I just needed to get through my days and finish school. 

The real "cure" for my anxiety/depression, (if I can call it that since for me it's an ongoing process) came years later when I found myself off all medication and practicing yoga more frequently.

Yoga, in its purest form, requires that you dedicate that time to being introspective and meditative. When you become an observer of your mind and body without making judgments or giving energy to thoughts that come, your body restores itself to its natural, calm state. Asana practice reduces stress hormones, thus relaxing your mind even though your body is physically working hard. 

In yogic texts, there are two types of off-balance energy associated with depression: tamas and rajas. Even if you aren't experiencing full blown anxiety or crippling depression, you might identify a bit with one of these two types of energy.

Tamas people have a hard time getting out of bed, are lethargic and feel unmotivated. Students with tamasic depression often have slumped shoulders, a collapsed chest and sunken eyes. These people should do a vigorous, powerful practice if they're physically able, so as to promote prana (breath).

Rajas people are associated with continual activity and restlessness. These students are angry, have stiff bodies, racing minds, are agitated and have difficulty relaxing in savasana. They often have trouble exhaling fully (a sign of anxiety). These people should do a more physical practice, as well, but need a more guided relaxation.  

Depression and anxiety affect everyone differently, so in addition to seeking professional help, I think it's important to practice different types of yoga to find what works best for you. Learning to stay in the present moment and let go of whatever's not serving you ultimately is one of the biggest lessons that's helped me, and hopefully can help someone out there reading this, too.

PS-More on yogic philosophy. 

Yoga Philosophy: Aparigraha

Aparigraha is such a simple yama (moral attitude) to understand, but I find it's one of the most challenging. In simple terms, according to the yoga sutras, practicing aparigraha (the state of being unattached) will lead to a clear mind. More specifically, it's cultivating that feeling of unattachment to material things, people, ideas, thoughts and actions. Simple, right? But put into action, it becomes apparent how attached we are to... everything. Our car, our clothes, our job, our significant other- the list goes on and on.

Holding onto these things in our life cultivates our sense of identity and therefore, our ego. Anything we label as "mine" can be taken away from us, and ultimately the value we place on these things doesn't serve us.

Take a new car, for instance. You buy a new car, and instantly you're worried about someone scratching it. The new car itself represents a large amount of money and instead of being a way to get you from A to B it becomes a status symbol, a representation of yourself, and fuels your ego. Practicing aparigraha in this instance would mean separating the association of the car and yourself- becoming unattached to the car. 

Apart from separating ourselves from attachment to material possessions, we can practice aparigraha by cultivating generosity without expecation of anything in return. When you do something nice for someone, it's vital to let go of any expectations for what you'll ultimately receive, and recognize that the act of doing something kind is the gift.

It's a lot to think about. Don't feel overwhelmed, we're only human. Here are a few questions to ask yourself that may help.

1. What do we need? 

Aparigraha is not about letting go of all material possessions. That would be too passive and wouldn't serve you in any way. It's about finding a balance between too much and too little. It's about surrounding yourself with what you need, letting that amount be enough, and not getting attached to those things. 

2. What should we focus on? 

According to the yoga sutras, we should focus on cultivating a sense of generosity. We should act with compassion and with love. When we give fully of ourselves from this place of love, we let go of our ego, of the stress, fear and worry that attachment brings. This is when we become more in tune with our inner selves.

Read more about aparigraha and other yamas in The Yoga Sutras of Pantanjali:

Yoga Philosophy: Svadhyaya

I thought I'd write about Svadhyaya (swah-dee-hya-ya) today, as I think it's one of the most important aspects of yoga, and one from which we can all benefit. 

In simple terms, Svadhyaya means self-study. (Sva means self, and adhyaya means inquiry.) So often in life we're on cruise control, blindly going through the motions. We're not tuned in to what's really going on. We're just waking up and going through our daily life feeling somewhat empty, feeling that our lives are lacking.

On the mat, this can be dangerous. Someone who enjoys an active, challenging asana class may approach the practice as simply a means to being fit. The approach is aggressive, and lacking in introspection. That lack of svadhyaya- the act of listening to the body and the mind, and staying connected to your inner being, can be a recipe for injury.

Off the mat, svadhyaya can be practiced solo or examined in your relationships. Being an observer of yourself in your quiet moments, and when you're out on the town is practicing svadhyaya. It's inquiring who you are, why you're doing what you're doing, why you say what you say, etc. 

One way to practice svadyaya is through reading "sacred texts". If you're religious, reading major works from your religion is encouraged. But for those who aren't religious, I think reading anything that offers a new perspective, that makes us reflect on our current ideas and challenges our mental boundaries can be equally beneficial. 

Another great way to practice svadhyaya both on and off the mat is through meditation. Normally we think of meditation as sitting somewhere peaceful and breathing. Traditionally, that's what meditation is, and personally I think that type of meditation is fantastic. But it's also difficult for us Westerners. Because of that, I like the idea of doing anything that brings you a meditative calm- running, gardening, golfing, etc. Even practicing being very aware while you drive or while you walk to work can be a form of meditation. 

Incorporating svadhyaya into your everyday life is a way to experience life more fully. It's about getting to know ourselves better. And when we begin to truly understand ourselves, we identify the connectedness that yoga is all about.

Yoga Philosophy: Ahimsa

Ahimsa is part of The Yamas (moral requirements) in the eight limbs of yoga. The idea behind ahimsa is to practice non-violence both on and off the mat and intend to cultivate a conscious, non-judgmental awareness in your life. When we're fully aware of the impact of our actions, thoughts and words, and refrain from causing any mental or physical harm to ourselves and others, our lives become more whole.

The other day I did some pictures on the beach. The beauty (and curse) of not currently having a mirrored studio space is that I can do my practice while remaining inward, unaware of how my body and practice looks. The downside of this is that I can't physically see my alignment which is where the whole picture-taking thing comes in. When I saw the above picture, I started thinking that one little toe sticking out bothers me, and my hips should've been higher. In fact, I should've been able to just do the full expression in a complete backbend. I started to feel bad- and I forced my thoughts to come to a screeching halt.

This is a prime example of what not to do. :) Do not bash yourself with negative thoughts. Instead, practice ahimsa through sensitivity and become fully aware of yourself in a non-judgmental way. In my case, I needed to look at the picture and appreciate my body for where it currently is, and find beauty both in what I can do, and my room for growth. 

{Via}

Off the mat, you can keep this idea in the back of your head. How often do you tell yourself you're not good enough, smart enough, skinny enough, pretty enough- you're miserable, your job sucks? All those negative (violent) thoughts tearing down any sense of self-worth and happiness you've created and you're left feeling broken. See what happens if you practice sensitivity and self-awareness- ahimsa. When you bring ahimsa into your life, observe how your mood changes, and how your life can become better. You deserve it.

Men and Yoga

{Via}

There were twenty of us in my yoga teacher training in Thailand. Three were men. I remember overhearing one girl say, "Oh, I thought women were only into yoga. What are these men doing here?" Unfortunately, it's not an uncommon ratio nor thought. So, what's the deal? Why is this? 

Part of me wonders if it's the way yoga is marketed in the states. I enter "yoga" in a google image search and of thirty-two images, only ONE is of a man (ok we also have one dog and one picture of rocks). Regardless, all the rest are skinny, flexible women- even the two pictures of sketched poses! Are these images of super flexible women intimidating to men? Or does it send the message that only women (and a dog and stack of rocks) should be in a yoga class?

Maybe it's just that yoga is so far from the rough and tumble sports that dominate our society like football, hockey, baseball and basketball- sports in which the objective is to be faster and better and ultimately beat your opponent. Unless you count your ego, which really shouldn't be there in the first place, there's no opponent in yoga. There's no where to go except inward. What does this mean to a man who have been groomed to compete since t-ball? Can he see the value in "going inward"? (Incidentally, there are many athletes who credit yoga in helping their performance: Lebron James, Tim Thomas, Tom Brady, Tampa Bay Devil Rays Baseball team.)

Here are the facts: 

Yoga started in India, over 5,000 years ago. By men. 

Until the 1900's, women weren't allowed to practice yoga.

Even now, in India, there are more men than women in yoga classes. (And the women are usually foreigners.)

Last week, I taught a yoga class on Neptune Beach in Jacksonville. I had ten students- three were men (one was my husband, one came with his wife, and one came on his own accord). So maybe the ratios are getting better? I hope so, because everyone could benefit from yoga. 

Yoga Philosophy: Santosa

Santosa (pronounced: Sahn-toe-sha) is part of the Niyamas ("rules" for self-observance) and it means being content with what we have. Practicing santosa in our lives will bring us a sense of peace and inner joy. 

I find that practicing santosa in my life is simple if I'm mindful about it. For example, when we were driving to Florida for our summer break, we stopped in Charleston, South Carolina. Charleston, for those of you who have never been, is an awesome city! It's also really, really humid. And for someone who isn't accustomed to the humidity, it can be oppressing. Throughout the day I caught myself saying out loud, "Ugh, it's so gross out. Ugh, I'm sweating already. Ugh, the air is so heavy and sticky."

But then I stopped myself and looked around. I thought to myself, "Ok, the weather might not be what I'm used to, but it's beautiful here. The sun is shining. My dog is welcome on the beach. There's a nice breeze by the ocean and the water is warm enough to swim." I turned it around and began to focus on what I did have, rather than what I didn't. This is santosa.

In a culture that lives and breathes consumerism, santosa can be difficult to practice. But by being mindful about acknowledging and feeling grateful for what you do have, rather than what you don't is a sure way to bring awareness and peace into your life.