With the exception of turning twenty-five (which I inexplicably feel is such a great age), I haven't ever really looked forward to my birthday, and this year was no exception. I've never worried about aging but lately I've been dealing with more arthritic issues from Lyme disease than usual and if it's true that you're only as old as you feel, well then with these joint issues I must be 103. Top off the physical aches and pains with feeling a bit bummed that I'm too far from family and close friends to celebrate together and it is a perfect recipe for feeling blah on your birthday. But a funny thing happened.
And this funny thing? It's happened before- on my wedding day. Having dealt with anxiety for years, I was a ball of nerves for weeks leading up to the wedding. I was anxious about the possibility of being anxious on my wedding day. (I know, it doesn't make any sense.) Then, on the day of, it completely melted away and I woke up the most calm I'd ever been.
Similarly, leading up to my birthday I was feeling depressed about the possibility of feeling depressed on my birthday. (What?!) But I woke up happy, calm, and feeling like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Incidentally, the arthritic issues, which come and go from day to day, have disappeared for today so I feel more like 25 and less like 103.
I guess the lesson to be learned here is that, once again, there is no point in letting fear take over. Whether it's anxiety, depression, whatever- the underlying issue, at least in my case, is fear. It's a waste of energy, and more importantly, whatever will happen is going to happen, and more likely than not, it'll be a positive outcome. So with that, I'll celebrate.
My husband made me a rich red velvet cake (from scratch!) with beets which we enjoyed last night, I had tofu scramble for breakfast (new favorite recipe), and I opened a couple of thoughtful gifts wrapped in the prettiest paper. Cheers to that!